THERE ARE MANY TIMES when I hear from my clients these kinds of laments: “I should have said that differently.” Or: “Maybe I used the wrong words …”
When this happens, I’m delighted because that leader is becoming more aware that she has control over those words and how they may or may not land. However, sometimes it’s not the actual words but the intent behind them that makes or breaks the situation.
Let’s dig deeper into this.
Here’s a standard miscommunication:
When you say “Would you please do X task?” your words, in your mind, may be clear and determined.
You are asking them actually to do the task, right?
That’s what you think.
In reality, it’s an inquiry with no clear intent of when it must be complete or even a determination of end result.
When I’m coaching clients, we take it down to the elements that will actually produce results.
First question: What do you want? And let’s go deeper than having the task done. Aren’t tasks the means to an end result? If you are spending a lot of time on “tasks,” you may have a checked-off to-do list and still not have the results you desire.
Ask yourself instead: “What will having this task done accomplish in regard to my big goal or highest priority?”
That question will shift your thinking to shift from “task doing” to “results producing.”
But what do you ask then if not, “Will you do X task?”
You have many choices. and all of them depend on the intent.
Intent one: Get a task completed. To do this, ask it as is with the addition of a timeframe: “Will you do X task by 3 p.m. today?” The specificity will help you both.
Intent two: Get a commitment to a result rather than a task. Say: “To further the goal of X, please provide me with a list of tasks and who is best to accomplish them inside our timeframe.”
This request will allow the other person to take leadership of the goal and either take on the tasks or find those abler to do so. Remember, of course, to include a timeframe.
Intent three: further action on your end goal. Ask a new question: “To make sure we reach X place, what do you think is the best plan or path to accomplish it?”
This will help them buy into the goal and give you new ideas.
As a leader, we usually know the goal and know the steps or actions to take. That doesn’t mean we should do those actions, nor that others know the goal.
When you shift your thinking like this, things in your world begin to improve. I see it all the time in my coaching clients. If you want the same results, the first step is to stop and think, “What is my intent?” and then the words will come easier.